On the Subject of Scottish Independence
by LoLoGreeneVines
Summary: Ahead of a looming referendum on Scottish independence, England meets with his brothers Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland to discuss potential terms. It was never going to end well. Rated T for a sheep quip and one particularly choice phrase in Welsh.


"We are meeting today to discuss the issue of my inevitable independence from the United Kingdom!"

England wearily rolled his eyes as his older brother, Scotland, stood up and addressed the table. Glancing aside, England noted that Wales and Northern Ireland seemed just as nonplussed as him; Wales' dark eyes were narrowed in suspicion and Northern Ireland appeared to be too busy tapping out a syncopated rhythm on the table with his fingernails to pay Scotland too much attention.

"What do you mean 'inevitable'?" England queried. "Your people have yet to vote in a referendum-"

"And they sure as hell won't vote to stay with you!" Scotland insisted, drawing himself up to his not inconsiderable full height and puffing out his chest.

England sighed. "I would remind you, Scotland, that the 'no' lobby in your country is not inconsiderable..."

"No, you're just seeing what you want to see!" said Scotland. "Now, my demands..."

Wales tutted impatiently, peering out from under his dark fringe with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. "Ah, don't bother. We already know what you want."

"You _will_ listen to me!" postulated Scotland, his voice rising as his face took on a deeper hue, clashing horribly with his flaming orange hair.

"Looks like we don't have much of a choice," muttered England.

Scotland slammed a burly fist down on the table. "Right! Assuming my people vote for independence, which, realistically speaking, they will..."

"Not," interrupted Wales, under his breath.

"... then we want to keep the pound sterling!"

England raised a bushy eyebrow and gave a slight laugh. "No chance."

A vein popped in Scotland's forehead. "I won't be bullied by you, England!" he shouted, jabbing a finger at his younger brother in a threatening manner.

"The way I see it," Northern Ireland chimed in, "_you're_ the one who won't stop yelling."

"Yeah," Wales concurred, giving Northen Ireland a nod. "We hate England just as much as you do, Scotland, but we're going to have to agree with him here. If you went independent, we couldn't have you dragging _our_ currency down as you crashed and burned."

England pinched the bridge of his nose. "Thanks for the support, I guess."

Scotland looked apoplectic. "Hey, Wales, Northern Ireland, why aren't you guys backing me up? I know you want independence, too!"

Northern Ireland examined his fingernails. "Nah, we're quite happy to remain in the union."

"Yeah," Wales chipped in. "My country kind of likes England subsidising our free prescriptions and cheaper university tuition fees. We probably couldn't afford those if we cut off all ties with him."

"Ha!" Scotland declared, swatting the table again. "But we could afford to go it alone! We have oil!"

"And a mountain of debt which you would be handed right back if you left us," England remarked. "Besides which, you'd never be allowed to rejoin the EU independently."

Scotland huffed impatiently. "Nonsense, we're already a member, of course they'd allow us to stay..."

"You're a member as part of the UK," Ireland pointed out.

"Look, can we just stop this stupid argument?" England asked. "Scotland, I firmly believe that it would be in _all_ of our best interests for you to stay with us..."

Wales sighed. "Twll tîn pob Sais."

"I beg your pardon?" England asked bemusedly, quirking his eyebrow again.

"I say let 'em go if they want to," Wales continued, to England's astonishment. "Without us to pay for them to send their kids to university for free they'll run out of money in a week and come crying straight back to us."

England blinked. "I can't believe you're siding with him!"

Scotland rubbed his hands together with glee as Wales inspected his fingernails with a bored expression. "I don't know why you sound so surprised. I may be happy to remain in the UK, but that doesn't mean I don't hate you."

"Useless sheep-shagger," England fumed, as Northern Ireland looked up from the table with wide eyes.

"Ultimately, the choice lies with the Scottish people," he said, seriously, nodding at Scotland.

"Though there's no way the voters are actually going to go for it if you have no currency plan and no prospect of remaining in the EU," Wales added. Scotland scowled.

"Right," England said through his teeth, eager to wrap up the discussion before somebody resorted to physical violence. "So, basically, we have established nothing new today."

Wales rolled his eyes. "That wasn't a waste of time at all, then, was it?"

"I'm going to call it a day there," England said, watching cautiously as Scotland clenched his fist in anger. "We can discuss the implications of Scottish independence for Westminster at a later date. Although, really, Scotland," he continued, in a softer tone. "I sincerely do hope you choose to stay with us. And not just because of your oil."

Scotland met England's eyes, and the brothers looked at each other for a second.

"Screw you," Scotland eventually said, sweeping out of the room as England frowned in disappointment, Wales howled with laughter and Northern Ireland watched in amusement.

* * *

**Author's notes: Yeah, I won't be translating that Welsh phrase. Google it, if you're curious. (Although I will say that Google Translate is a bit off.) It's not technically swearing, as the Welsh language contains no swear-words, but it is pretty much the rudest thing you can say in Welsh.**

**In my other Hetalia fics, I tend to refer to England as "The UK" for the sake of consistency (and because on a world-stage he kind of represents the entire UK), but for obvious reasons here he is just England and does not represent his brothers at all.**

**I would apologise for all of the UK stereotypes I have shoehorned into this one-shot, but Hetalia always has been about outrageous stereotypes, so I shan't. :D**

**For clarification, this fic is not in any way an Author Filibuster; I really don't have much of an opinion on the idea of Scottish independence. This is just my interpretation of the countries' general opinions on the topic. Just thought I should point that out. :)**

**One last thing: I don't know if Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have officially been given physical descriptions, so I gave them common national phenotypes. If my limited descriptions contradict anything Himaruya has said, I apologise.**


End file.
